10 Things to do when you are bored

(read as preparing for a exam and not wanting to study)

1.) watch performances you hate to watch LIVE (ETMS, WTMS, Inter halls etc etc )

2.) imagine stuff like 11 blondes, 5 brunettes, 2 chinkis and one desi, nude, in a tub full of wine at Miami beach ( non-lesbian women and gays adjust accordingly)

3.) brood over your department ,your project guide, your institute,your electives, your potbelly, your future, some random girl from past (stop grinning :| ) ....

4.) make plans for world domination, formulate path breaking business ideas(selling ear wax), design a manor you will build when you are rich

5.) look up for unfortunate victims on gtalk and fry their brains inside out

6.) Read Kumar Ritwik's Blog

7.) watch emotional atyachar, Bigboss, top chef and other available 'reality shows'

8.) read RAJ comics and discuss them with your friends

9.) write your own blog

10.) write FB messages to your neighbors posing as some hot chick from Gurgaon

5 reasons why Facebook irritates me !

1. Every time I log on it asks me ‘what’s on my mind?’ Dear Mr. Zuckerberg people go to facebook mostly when they have nothing on their mind. Or as Singh once responded,

This is on my mind !

2. Let’s have a look at some ad’s which I get:
a. “get a ‘Indian’ girlfriend.,get a partner”, yeah that’s the aim of my life ! (This ad is usually accompanied by a picture of some slu##y bitch posing for the camera. )
b. Work in a BPO (another aim of my life), great compensations (lolz)
c. XYZswiswatch.co.in, “Rolex replica’s! Nobody can tell the difference”, seems they have figured out what they can sell and what they can’t sell in India. So much for answering the Question “1.” once with the fact that Rolex milgauss is in my bucket list.

Right now an ad on my profile goes like “Read the life story of a real asperger patient” . :O

3. I can like or unlike. I can’t dislike. What irritates me more is when people ‘like’ updates such as “XYZian making racist comments”, “India loses nth match in boogabo series”, “rukh Khan wants to act in a porn movie”, “ 300 die in Bihar due to flood”, “ Communist party calls for a nationwide strike” etc etc.

4. You can’t tell anything about anyone who has privacy settings on except for his/her photo which sometimes turns out to be a bunny cuddling with some cat. This creates problems. First you can’t tell who a person is until you accept his friend request and second it mitigates the primary purpose of facebook


5. Apps collect information about you, and it includes everything (from your sex to the phone number you have listed on your profile) as soon as you innocently click the allow button. Later on, when you visit some random site you see an ad which caters exactly to your likings. So if you like to eat SOMESHIT biscuits, you will always be advertised to about SOMENEWSHIT biscuits and never SOMEAWESOME biscuit. You can see where is it going.

Still, I use facebook. Orkut has succumbed to its upgrading, I never liked myspace and I love to screw my life and waste my time. Hence all hail Facebook !

The Terminal

She said that she would dance with me if I brought her red roses,"

"...but in all my garden there is no red rose."

(Oscar wilde, 1888)

A pair of haze eyes met a pair of black pupils carved on white stones besieged by thick black lashes. One lip smiled , the other followed. Some slender fingers loosened, a brawny shoulder shuddered. suddenly the world shook. Few backs bent, heads rose and bodies stirred. A pair of Betsey Johnsons clanked , The door hissed and they loitered in a vast chasm before the Raybans watching them lost track .

(to be continued...)

Chini kam hai...

Brew.. Milk.. Water.. froth.. Sip..
'aargh no sugar..'
आज सुबह सुबह ऑफिस की काफ्फी मशीन पे अहसास हुआ की जिंदगी में चीनी की क्या अहमियत है | चीनी न हो तो कुछ अच्चा ही नहीं लगता ,और हो तो जिंदगी के सबसे कडवे लम्हे भी मिठास से भर जते हैं| ऐसे ही कुछ लम्हों क बारे में सोच रहा था आज | वैसे बहुत अच्छी जगह है अमेरिका ,खूबसूरत , हराभरा , एकदम फिल्मों टाइप |यहाँ की बंदियों पे तो मैं फ़िदा हो गया भाई , सबकी सब एकदम गुडिया जैसी सफ़ेद , गुलाबी होठ , और एकदम मीठी आवाज. | मैं जहाँ रहता हूँ वो जगह तो पता नहीं किन लोगों ने बनायीं ऐसा गजब architecture , नयी पुराणी हर तरह की ईमारत | यहाँ अपरिचित लोग भी अगर कभी सड़क पे मिल जाएँ तो दुआ सलाम करते हैं , हालाँकि आपसे ट्रेन या बस वगेरह पे लोग बातचीत करते नहीं नजर आयेगे | यहाँ आकर मैंने पहली बार zebracrossing का इस्तेमाल होते देखा , और वो भी बड़े अच्छे से | वैसे खाने को लेकर मेरी मिटटी पलीद हुई है, खाने में मिर्च मसाला तो होता ही नहीं ,गरम गरम समोसा खाने का बड़ा मन करता है मगर यहाँ तो रेस्तरां में भी कम वसा वाला खाना चलता है :( ,कोई न , चलता है | अब एक जगह पर सब कुछ तो नहीं मिल सकता | बाकि खाने में सत्तू जिंदाबाद है |बाकि काम शुरू हो गया है , अच्छा है , बाकि देखिये आगे क्या होता है| और हाँ जिंदगी में चीनी बहुत संभाल कर रखिये , नहीं है जुगाड़ लीजिये , हाथ पे हाथ धरे बैठे रहिएगा तो मेरी तरह हाथ मलते रह जाईएगा और किसी दिन ब्लॉगर पे मैं आपका ब्लॉग पढ़ रहा होऊंगा :P

from 20 to 21...

I wonder what is special about turning 21, I mean I can vote, I can sign legal documents for myself starting from the age of 18 but still I am not an adult. It’s as they say ‘Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow.’

But... Starting tomorrow….

1.) I am legally allowed to consume alcohol at US ,Indonesia ,Oman, Sri Lanka, Tajikistan, UAE, Micronesia , Palau and in most parts of India

2.) I can get married

But what are more important are the changes I want, I wish I wasn’t so clumsy, I wish I could grow up overnight just like the law rendering me adult in a passing second but kya Karen dil to bachcha hai jii..[ :)]

I also wish I was a little more smarter, a little more healthier and a lot more wealthier [:P] , I wish I had a obsession ( includes commitments, affairs and addictions) and after today’s dinner I sincerely wish Patel hall had a better mess.

I had been planning to write a post since a long time ( losing in PI, almost getting DAAD and losing it , terrible last semester, a professor called SPP another called AC, Menon’s attempt at SF, KCR’s ……., getting drunk and breaking chairs at TP, carrying drunk people back from Sher e Punjab, Sayantan ki G ka G, ordeals for passport and many more) but writing a blog requires a rare combination of free time and good mood both being scarce thanks to ‘Labload’. Feels like penning hundreds of pages involving every nice event that took in last one year but I have a movie to watch , a assignment to do and a viva to prepare for , so I think I’ll retire.

and yes ....

Happy Hillu Day

Tweets of a independent individual on Independence Day

12:01 am: happy Independence Day ( why did it fall on Saturday)

12:05 am: zzz DND

06:30 am: I love India

06:45 am: the great country called India

7:30 am: zzz DND

10:30 am: happy Independence Day (BTW when was the flag hoisted ,were there sweets?)

11:30 am: playing A R Rehman full volume on 5.1 speakers (it’s awesome)

12:30 pm: neighbor broke my speakers (thank god he spared my bones) [posted to FML]

1:00 pm: fking mess food , yuck

1:05 pm: zzz DND

1:30 pm: awake (thanks to ‘friends’) , watching Border with ‘friends’

2:30 pm: yooooo , a French bandi added me as friend on facebook (can’t chat , Border
continuing)

4:30 pm: movie khatam ,chat suru

5:00 pm: did you know about Nehru Jacket (featured by Vogue in 1964, adopted by Beatles and Johnny Carson)(source French Bandi)

6:00 pm: Independence Day resolution:

• 1. Will eat desi food only (pizza burger etc kata )

6:30 pm: resolutions can wait, treats cannot  McD here I come…

7:00 pm: wifi@McD

9:00 pm: talli, had desi daru today

9:30 pm: kick all [censored] ,they pester our nation

11:30 pm: back to senses, beaten up by [censored] group [posted to FML]

11:59 pm: mera bharat mahan 100 me 99 beiman , cellphone stolen at McD

of eiffel tower, niagra falls ,amsterdam dollars and euros

disclaimer: all characters are fictional . Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead(:)) is purely coincidental.

it seems i am the only idiot who is not going for a foreign trip, oops i mean foreign training , this summer...

one evening , our wing .....

mr. r : abe load yaar load , pappa ko phone karna padega , hum visitor visa k liye apply kiye the ,
sabka kat raha ahi mera bhi katega...
mr. s(WTP- wing tour planner): to ab kya karega ??

r: karenge kya , abhi working visa k liye apply ? paisa katega ,kuch nahin bachega , euro trip kata

s: ma..r.c..d ,b..s..d main akele jaunga fir??

r: chale jana..

s: dekh tera kitna paisa bachega

(financial discussion content suppressed)

abe to itna bacha k kya karega , g...d me ghusayega..

r : HAAN G...D ME GHUSAYENGE . FIR HILEGA NA PAISA TO MAJA AAYEGA..

(gross content suppresed)

b..s..d k ..
(enter mr v , mr ss , mr rg, mr k , mr l,mr sg and mr h(:)))

mr sg(HFPP-high funda possesing person): abe tu ek kaam kar abhi delhi phone kar , fir@@#$(()& %%(_))_&*^*( ^*&_ ^(*_ *)&(*= (&*(_(( )&(_ @$#%&**$$
%%(_))_&*^*( ^*&_ ^(*_ *)&(*= (&*(_(( )&(_ @$#%&**$$
] %%(_))_&*^*( ^*&_ ^(*_ *)&(*= (&*(_(( )&(_ @$#%&**$$
(sry dude i can't make out anything of what you told)


mr h: abe mera to lag hi nahin raha intern
(every body looks at him then looks away discussion continued)


mr k(HFGP- high funda giving person): ki gal hai ...
(mr v (gold medalist weight lifter) (whisper):saala ye punjabi bolta ahi na to man karta hai...(threatening content suppressed)
tu asia kar ki @$$^&()() %&%_ %$*^&) 547 #*^(() 378970-
peace hai na...

mr. s: abe tu phone kake sidha bol de ki mera application gadbad ho gaya hai usko NULL and VOID kar do.
mr. h:(frusstt looking) abe main kya karun??

mr. k :doob mar

mr. k.: abe ye saala duk.. bhi nahin bataya hum apply kiye to..

(enter mr. d ,mr d will livefor 1000 years , OMG)

mr d. abe yaar tu to bola main senior se fundae le liye hain

mr. k (now irritated) :saale @$%38 #^&%&(*()^* ^*& 758970

(meaningless discussion content deleted)

mr k: saala kal bandi k saath ganna ka juice pi raha tha kal kolkata me

mr h: hehehe

mr s: tu kya hans raha hai be

(actually bandi and mr h ...)

mr k: m..d..rc..d tu ticket bhi dekhne laga akele ghumne k liye, hum to bole hi the abh.
mr s: aur nahin to kya ek din sayatan k saath ,ek din lendi ek din k...


********

( top floor)
(enter mr h, mr k , mr sg , mr t)

mr sg: abe t , kuch sikh be ye log euro trip maar rahe hain
mr t( HFPP , wing tour planner ): ma k d...e maine hi ye tour plan ki hai
mr sg:ohh

mr k: saala h frusst baitha hai
(mr h head down as if his wife has recently eloped with som e one else)

mr h:abe yaar kahin nahin lag raha kya karun samajh nahin aa raaha
(frusstt discussion content deleted)
mr k :abe rona band kar be

....to be continued (assignment hai karne baad baki likhunga)